Backwash

assignment 2011: Write for ten minutes in the present on your chosen topic. Use a timer. Stay in the present tense.

Reset timer. Write for ten minutes on the same topic in the PAST TENSE

Come back and write for another ten minutes in the present. This is another ABA form. It really helps access/clarify the use of flashing back in time.

so here was what I started with as my "topic" or idea where it was going to go: THE OCEAN/MOMENT AT BEACH/contemplative/sensory/escape/flow

I swear I understand that the above sentence probably makes no sense to anyone but me as to how it inspired the story below...


Standing here I can start to feel. The numbness is fading a bit. I think it’s the different sensory stuff here. This loud seagull keeps following me and scolding me for not having bread today. What can i say? I forgot. I guess I am starting to feel again cause I definately feel bad about not having his bread. I realize I need to take my shoes off. It’s funny how shoes feel all wrong at the beach. But somehow little things like that are important you know? Like hanging up a shirt when its’ out of the dryer so it doesn’t wrinkle. Or putting a knife in the dishwasher right away. You just... have to. Ok there, that’s better. ahhhh toes. Well there was a whole 10 seconds of comfort and distraction. Arggg!! How the hell could so much go wrong in one day? It started with the peanut butter side of a pbj going all over the kitchen counter, cupboard doors, and floor this morning. Swiftly followed by tripping down the steps which resulted in dropped cup of cofee. Then an ungainly run to catch the bus only to get to work late and be told that they were downsizing anyway and “thanks but we have to let you go”. Add that to the phone call I just got off of and today was in the running for worst day of the decade. I look at my cellphone, I know i need to call like 50 more people but damn it I just don’t want to. How many times will I have to say that sentence? ok, gotta do it. Looking around at the peaceful beach I say a little prayer for patience. I flip open the phone and call my Aunt Suzie and of course she answers on the 1st ring. “Hello?” “ Hey Aunt Suzie. Just thought you should know dad is moving into a nursing home, he had a stroke.... No no hopefully it’s just temporary. His vitals are all fine, but he needs a lot of rehab physically and with speech..... Yes I think he can understand you just fine..... No I’m not sure....... Yes I’m ok....... No you can’t do anything......... He’s in room 213 bed B at oakridge. ... yes the one by the bank.....Ok Auntie... Ok, well I gotta go. I have to call other folks now.” sigh, 3 ring circus that is my life. Why can’t I just be an annoying sea gull whose biggest concern is forgotten bread?


I can still remember that day clear as a bell. I had just gotten off the bus from work, where I had just gotten fired when my cell phone rang. This was just a few years really after they came out and I swear I had mine attached to my head half the day. I can’t remember exactly what all happened but I remember that it was a kind of crappy day right from the start. My boss had just told me they were letting me go about half an hour before I got the call so I was already upset at the world. I was walking back to the house from the bus stop when the hospital called. This nurse told me to get more things for dad, that he was going to the nursing home. Something about prolonged recovery time. I think I hung up on her actually now that I think about it. I just started walking. I was young, but so frustrated. At my age I shouldn’t have had to deal with ill parents, friend issues, and jobs falling apart. Or at least that’s how I thought back then. Now of course I realize I had it pretty darn good. I had my own house, my own dog, and still had my dad. But when you’re young you tend to focus on the crap sometimes. Anyway I ended up walking to the beach to try and think. It had always been my “thinking spot” from the time I was 8 and my parrot had died. It’s funny, I can’t remember what I was wearing or my ringtone, or whether it was cold or warm that day. I do remember the seagull though. I had this “pet” seagull who I routinely fed loafs of bread to. Almost everytime I went to the beach (and yes I spent a lot of money on bread I literally threw, and I didn’t care). He followed me up and down the beach scolding me for forgetting him. I remember feeling really guilty that I didn’t have any bread for him. But do you know that bird stayed with me while I called everyone to let them know about dad? He just followed me or hopped along the sand when I paused to sit. It was like he knew I needed a friend. I think I sat on that beach for hours thinking. Probably not even about the most serious things either. I think at one point I was talking to myself about how shoes just needed to be off at a beach. Couldn’t figure out why some people choose to stay in their tennies when there was soft sand to be had between your toes. Truthfully I still feel that way. But I digress. I stayed there a few hours before giving into reality and going home to gather up some belongings and a book. Despite my bitching there was no way I was going to leave dad to do the move and first night in a new place by himself. I stopped at our family home to get him some clothes and a few photos too so that he wouldn’t be stuck in the hospital attire. He was a very dapper man in general and I know that he was probably desperate to get out of those dotted monstrosities. It still makes me smile to think of him and his “dressing” in the mornings. He wasn’t fit to go get the newspaper if he didn’t have an ascot on and tied, his hair wasn’t meticulous, and his socks up to his knees. As I closed the door to his house I remember telling it, yes telling a house, that he’d be back soon not to worry. Silly the things we say for comfort isn’t it?



Locking the front door I start looking around for any of dads neighbors. I see Mrs. Linstron across the way pulling in, she is as good as telling everyone what’s going on. They will all know in half an hour. See, something is going right! “Mrs. Linstron!” “oh Amy, how good to see you dear! How is your father? is he home yet?” “no ma’am, actually I was going to ask you if you could watch over his plants for a while? He needs to have a little extra physical rehab and I don’t know how much time I’ll have to come back here every day to water them. The bus isn’t always a quick way to get around”. concern is written all over her face. Oh lord here comes the “I’m here if you need anything” speech again... “well hon of course, you know if you need anything just you ask ok? and give that man a hug from me. I’ll make sure we all keep an eye out for the house while he’s gone.” Oh Lord, I can feel the tears trying to well up. I am NOT going to cry over this. He is fine, he’ll be fine. I just need to get moving. “ok well thank you and I’ll keep you posted, I need to get his stuff to him now!” flashing her a smile I bail out of her driveway as quickly as I can. God I need to get a grip! I know it’s been a rough day but geez...
Taking a deep breath I lean my head back and open my eyes. I love the way the trees on our street have grown so much that they form almost a tall tunnel to drive through. It’s like looking up at a canopy of green leaves.. of life. The best is in the fall when they rain down. Ha! I remember crunching down this street for hours when I was little. Amazing how little it takes to be happy when you’re a kid!